Do Women With ADHD Cheat More?

In this article, you’ll learn:

• Why the brain’s “brakes” in ADHD often fail at critical moments.
• How a lack of dopamine turns the search for emotions into a dangerous game.
• The mystery of “object permanence”: why a loved one disappears from thoughts when they aren’t around.

Sometimes being a woman is truly complicated, as the famous song goes, especially when you’re trying to give all your love to just one person. But how many women actually stick to this rule? Research shows we might never know the true picture. Many people aren’t inclined to admit to infidelity, which makes getting accurate data an almost impossible task. Cheating remains one of the biggest relational taboos of our time. Even though society has become more progressive in many areas of life, extramarital affairs still trigger sharp rejection. You can say you’re in a polyamorous relationship or practice BDSM, and it’ll be accepted as a norm. But just mention an affair—and you’ll likely face hostile judgment. Especially if you’re a woman. Women are often judged much more harshly than men when they step outside the boundaries of conventional sexual behavior, reports MODISTA.

Amidst all this secrecy surrounding the intimate details of private life, I value the privileged position I hold as a researcher of women with ADHD (Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder). My work allows me to lift the veil on those details of the female experience that are usually kept secret. Data suggests that women with ADHD are significantly more likely to engage in extramarital affairs than women without this diagnosis. Interestingly, this pattern isn’t observed among men. When I asked these women about the reasons for their infidelity, the main factor they cited was poor impulse control. This was followed by disinhibition under the influence of alcohol, sensation seeking, and a feeling of being misunderstood. But what’s most striking is the gap between desire and action: women with ADHD are much more likely to put their sexual interests into practice than neurotypical women. So, which specific traits make them more prone to such risks?

Impulsivity as the Main Provocateur

One of the core traits of ADHD is an increased difficulty in controlling impulsive urges. Many people with this disorder feel an overwhelming desire to act in the moment, which eventually leads to devastating consequences. Infidelity can be one of the most dramatic events in a person’s life, causing relationship breakdowns, divorce, and deep stress for everyone involved. Where a neurotypical person is able to mentally “stop” and dampen the urge to cheat, a person with ADHD finds it much harder to resist acting on such sudden impulses. It’s not just a lack of will—it’s a feature of neurobiology.

The Chase for Dopamine

Constant dopamine-seeking behavior can drive people with ADHD to a state bordering on madness. The ADHD brain experiences a chronic deficit of this neurotransmitter and tries to get it in any form, ignoring the consequences. It’s an “act now, think later” strategy. The concept of delayed gratification becomes almost unreachable when the brain is literally screaming for a dopamine “hit.” This can manifest in food, alcohol, drugs, or, as some believe, in the most powerful trigger of all—forbidden sex.

The Phenomenon of Object Permanence

Most people are held back from cheating by the thought of their partner waiting at home. However, for people with ADHD, there’s a specific side effect of neurodivergence that blocks thoughts of people who aren’t physically present. In ADHD communities, this is often called “object permanence” issues. While not an official clinical term, the phenomenon is often described as the feeling: “If I don’t see it, it doesn’t exist.” People with ADHD can find it hard to conceptualize things or people outside their current field of vision.

As one research participant described to me: “I love my husband very much, and it’s terrible to say, but when he’s not around, I simply don’t think about him.” To a neurotypical person, this might seem heartless, as if the woman doesn’t care about her partner. But often it’s just a symptom of the disorder that doesn’t reflect the true depth of the couple’s feelings. However, the inability to keep the partner’s image in mind at the moment of temptation makes it easier to throw caution to the wind and forget about responsibility.

None of this serves as an excuse for infidelity, nor does it mean that ADHD removes personal responsibility for one’s actions. But it forces us to look deeper before passing a verdict. For women with ADHD who struggle daily with impulsivity, dopamine deficits, and a brain that finds it hard to maintain the presence of absent people, the path to fidelity can be much steeper and more complex—and that’s something rarely discussed openly.

Advice from MODISTA

• If you feel a lack of excitement, try a new shared hobby with your partner that provides the necessary adrenaline rush.
• Use reminders and photos of your loved one on your phone screen to maintain a visual connection.
• Consult an ADHD specialist to learn “mental pause” techniques before making impulsive decisions.

Have you ever considered that simple inattention could have such a deep impact on your personal life? Share this article with a friend who might need to understand herself or her loved ones better.

ℹ️ REFERENCE

Psychology Today is a leading global publication specializing in psychology and mental health, featuring materials from top scientists and practicing therapists. This article is based on research by McGoldrick and colleagues regarding the behavioral characteristics of women with ADHD. You can find the original at the link 🌐.